I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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