Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
