you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
