Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
