OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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