He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
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I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
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not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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