Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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