Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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