I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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