my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
