all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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