Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'