don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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