Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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