Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(650): View more from California

this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away

Fav 45 910 3232
share tweet
(353): View more from

When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head

Fav 14 1994 3468
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(785): View more from Kansas

We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.

Fav 19 5253 2386
share tweet
(516): View more from New York

In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea

Fav 21 1690 5463
share tweet
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Read it at the TFLN blog
(630): View more from Illinois

a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.

Fav 12 5489 1296
share tweet
(815): View more from Illinois

Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone

Fav 6 3179 1107
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(715): View more from Wisconsin

I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.

Fav 3 2467 1083
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(860): View more from Connecticut

He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.

Fav 3 1513 643
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(864): View more from South Carolina

I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.

Fav 1 35 15
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT