Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I want to stick my p in your. b.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
