Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations