Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
