what day is it and did you see me today?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
