Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
