The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
It's blow job season.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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