he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Found your dick twin last night
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
