When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Even my vagina gasped.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
