i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
