dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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