somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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