dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
