Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
