You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
