Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
