he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
