I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Randomize
