ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
