you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
