I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
