I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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