You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize