Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
