Who did Billy Mays play for?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
