both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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