How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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