This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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