got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
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I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
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Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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