i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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