He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
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Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
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My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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