From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
