So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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