mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
