i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
