While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
