you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
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I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
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She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
the raccoons are back...
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