Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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