Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
