i don't like sucking hair
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
