happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
