remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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