I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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