respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
