She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
