Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
