Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
