If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
