I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Brb crying the tears of my youth
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
