While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I have post one night stand depression
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