I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
im holly from the hills drunk
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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