i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
He kissed a someone with a penis
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.