just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
