I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
