stop calling my apartment porn island.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
