I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
