So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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